"I decided - you need to live!" The real story of struggle and salvation
We did not give up
Fifteen years of family life, my husband and I wanted to celebrate beautifully. On the shores of the warm sea, or at least in a restaurant, by candlelight. However, I spent the day of my crystal wedding on my own, in a hospital bed, in the oncology department. Nine days earlier, I had a breast operation, and now I was lying with a fever. The roommates gave me their blankets - as many as eight, but I was still beaten by wild chills. And the thought pounded in my head: how to evaluate what happened to me? Is this a warning, a stop sign? They let me know that I’m going where I don’t need to? Am I building my life wrong?
... I got married at 21. Just saw Pasha and immediately realized: it is He. Pavel is a reserved person, he did not give me baskets with roses and did not carry in his arms. But at the end of the vacation, when we said goodbye, he asked: “Is this really all?” I had no doubt for a second and answered: “Of course not.” We lived in different cities. Two months later, Pasha came to me, made an offer, and after two more we got married. Two daughters were born, then a son. More, doctors said, I can’t give birth. And when his son was three years old, he asked: “Mom, why are the sisters always together, and I am alone?” I tried to explain that I couldn’t give him a brother, but the kid was indignant: “What does it mean“ I can’t ”? You pray to God and he will give you. ” And we decided to take the child from the orphanage. That there would be four children did not scare me: I myself grew up in a large, friendly family.
It was 11 years ago. I went to custody, and there I was given a real interrogation: “Do you have any of your children? Ah, three! Are they all same-sex? Not?! But then why do you need another child ?! ” I went home and cried from resentment. However, I remembered the inspector's words: “If you are such a benefactor, organize a foster family.” But for the foster family - their own strict standards, should be at least 12 square meters. m of living space per person. And then we had 55 - for five.
But we did not give up. We bought land, began to build a house. There wasn’t enough money, we did a lot ourselves. My blood son, as a result, spent his early childhood without a brother - it took me eight years to finish building the house and then collect documents.
Before taking children into the family, we were volunteers for four years and knew well what the orphanages were like. Even in those orphanages where good conditions are created for life, every child dreams of a family. And we immediately decided to take those who have the least chance of adoption. After all, babies are disassembled much more readily than seven-eight-year-old boys. Most of all we liked the brothers Maxim and Denis - 7 and 4.5 years. But it was impossible to pick them up: although the boys lived in the orphanage almost from birth, they had a mother and was going to restore their parental rights.
However, we did not manage to take custody of anyone. One morning I felt a lump in my chest, sensed something was amiss, and ran to the doctor. I had a puncture and two weeks later they said harshly: “It is necessary to remove the entire breast, and as soon as possible.” It was a real shock. I am only 36 years old! But what about my children? How will they grow up without mom? Who will console them, regret, caress?
I had no doubt that I would die
I decided to live
I had no doubt that I would die. She said goodbye to her husband, asked him not to grieve for a long time. The operation was done to me a few days before the 15th anniversary of our wedding. And on the day of the holiday, I trembled in chills under a pile of blankets and realized that all my plans for a big friendly family were not destined to come true. And then ... It’s like someone whispered to me - calmly, confidently: “Light, consider that you simply have appendicitis. A disease that will pass without a trace. You will bear it, and this will not affect your future life. ” I was taken aback: who said this? She looked around the room - all the girls had been sleeping for a long time. But the chills somehow suddenly passed, the dream also ruined me.
However, cancer is still not appendicitis. Fortunately, my chest was preserved, but the treatment continued, I had to do radiotherapy. I begged the doctor to do without chemistry, at least: “I have such beautiful hair! They will all fall out! ” But the doctor harshly answered: “Yes, beautiful. They will look good in a coffin. " “But chemistry will plant a liver for me!” I persisted. “The dead man also does not need a liver,” the doctor shrugged.
Now I understand: the doctor was right - you can’t defeat cancer with folk remedies. But then, during chemotherapy, I honestly fell into gloom. She felt terrible, could not climb to the second floor, gasped, swollen hands. My husband grabbed me like a little child and rocked me. I felt defenseless, lost in this world ...
But one day I saw an ad: women who had cancer were invited to the aqua aerobics health group, organized by the Women's Health charity program. I came there to study - and I saw the winners. Yes, they all once had the same operation as me. But they lived after her - five years, seven, seventeen! I realized that I should not just squander the time allotted to me. I came home and told my husband: “We must take foster children. I have at least five years. Every day I will hug the kids, kiss them, give them warmth. And if I die, then at least I will know that it was not in vain that I stomped the earth on this planet. ”
Another husband would say: “What are you? What children? You yourself are falling! ” But Pavel understood and supported me, took the initiative in his own hands. And the fact that I had cancer, we decided to remain silent: the documents are in order! The husband called the guardianship authorities, and there they say in surprise: “Oh, the catcher and the beast are running!” We were just about to search for you. Remember the two brothers, Denis and Maxim? ” It turned out that mom took them, but lasted six months, and again she was deprived of her parental rights. What did the unhappy boys have to go through? Of course, we took them.
And it so happened that I, too, became a volunteer of the mutual assistance group of this program. After all, a woman who suddenly encounters such a diagnosis really needs the support of her husband, family, friends, but probably those who have such a sad experience will understand each other best. The goal of the group is to support each other both psychologically and informationally. We have, for example, visiting days of health - together with doctors we go to remote areas of the Oryol region: doctors examine women, and volunteers talk about their experiences, talk with women about the importance of regular examinations, about the importance of not losing hope. I visit women who are being treated, communicate with them on the telephone hotline of a self-help group - women who are scared, lonely and need help call there.
Foster children bring us happiness
The boys came to us in terrible condition. The older one spoke exclusively with obscene language; he simply did not know other words. The younger, Deniska, could not fall asleep himself - he sat and swayed, monotonously, for an hour. There was no cure for this. I had to carry it on my hands for a long time - only then I fell asleep. I remember the episode. When we finally took custody, we were told for the last time to bring the boys to the orphanage - to present. We have gone. And when they got out of the car, the baby firmly grabbed his husband’s leg and sobbed: “Dad, don’t give me there!” And we could not convince him in any way that we would just go in for a while and not give him anywhere. Now I think: those terrible half a year that included a biopsy, an operation, "chemistry" were given to me specially so that we would wait for Maxim and Deniska, so that the boys would fall into our family, friendly and loving.
The children greeted the brothers with enthusiasm. Younger daughters just spoiled! After all, it’s strict in the orphanage: everyone, even the little ones, knows how to dress themselves, fold their clothes, and make out the bed. But at home, Denis quickly lost useful skills. But literally in six months, he blossomed, learned to laugh. He began to speak fine, although we took him from the orphanage with a diagnosis of "Delayed mental development", learned to read. In general, I realized very quickly: with foster children we succeed, they bring happiness.
The package of documents for custody is valid for two years, and I thought: maybe I have time to get someone else out of the orphanage? I went there, drew attention to a boy who was always bruised. She asked: “Who is this?” They say to me: “And this is Vovka Bogomolov. But he has two more brothers. ” Bogomolov was then eight, nine and ten years old, and they went through all the circles of children's hell - the baby’s house, orphanage. And they never ended up in the same group or class. They knew that the brothers, but were not friends, did not protect each other. Oh, our family would have them! ..
But I was very afraid that my children would live worse when three more appeared in our house. I didn’t sleep for two weeks, I fidgeted myself: maybe I take on too much? However, we took the Praying Mantis. I remember their first days in the family. Serezha enters the kitchen and timidly asks: “Mom, can I open it and just look? I won’t touch anything. ” I turn around and see - standing in front of the refrigerator. He did not know what it was - he had never seen a refrigerator before! And I didn’t see the microwave. And in front of the washing machine, all three Praying Mantis sat for half an hour, watching with enthusiasm how the laundry was spinning. But the biggest shock for them was the sea itself. We just arrived, Serezha went up to the water, cautiously shook his leg, muttered: “What a warm ...” Then he turns to me - in the eyes of a tear - and says: “Mommy, thank you!” It’s worth living for the sake of such moments. And I was also very pleased to hear when on the very first New Year's Eve at home, the Bogomolovs unanimously declared that they would not make a wish. Because their biggest dream - to find parents - has already come true.
I live a full life!
Svetlana and Pavel were always sure: there should be many children in the family!
I live a full life
Those who say are wrong: when there are many children, it is difficult. It was difficult for me with one child - when the other seven left for the summer camp. The kid was bored, he ached, followed me by the tail. Usually, our children play together, the older ones look after the younger ones, and help to do their homework. I connect to the solution of school problems only until the fourth grade - then the children cope on their own. They also study at a music school. Who plays the guitar, who flute, violin, piano. Each one has his own household responsibilities. The boys have a schedule: they take turns washing dishes. One of the daughters is responsible for linen: washing, hanging, ironing. Another is for the cleanliness of the bathrooms.
The eldest son has long dreamed of a moped. But he received it only after he went to work with his father all summer and helped him a lot there. Materially, of course, it is not easy for us. After all, nothing belongs to the child in the orphanage. When we took away Denis and Maxim, they asked us: “Did you bring clothes to them?” But the Bogomolovs came to us in the summer, in old T-shirts and shorts, no more property. I had to buy clothes, shoes, a school uniform, backpacks, pen-cases at all. The state pays 5.5 thousand rubles for each child. But many times I was convinced that the proverb was true: "God gave the child, he will give fate." For example, the children began to ask for bicycles - and the husband received a profitable order. Or good people will help. We have a hosiery factory in Oryol - so its director supplies us with socks for free. Also a lot - for a year children 160 pairs wear out. And on New Year's, he gave a computer - that was joy!
True, now my hooligans grabbed deuces and lacked computer toys. They whined for three days, did not know what to do, and now they live even more interestingly. And also every evening we are sure to get together all over, have dinner, chat, talk about how the day went. The eldest of the Bogomolov boys, for example, fiercely cursed his own mother. Such is she, spreading - why did she leave us? I talked with him for a long time. She showed a photograph of a child who was born without arms and legs. I say: "At least for the fact that you are healthy, you should be thankful to your own mother." He frowned, fell silent, thought for a long time. Then he comes up and says: "I forgave her."
Of course I get tired. But in the afternoon I definitely have a “mother’s hour” - the time when I close in my room. Children guard my peace, walk on tiptoe. I’ll walk in the mornings, from six to seven - it’s important to be alone with yourself a little. After all, it begins further: in the seven-child climb, and spun, until late at night. My husband helps a lot. For boys, father is much cooler than mom. When they just came to our family, they even cursed: “This is my dad!” - "No it's mine!" Pavel really fell into the soul when one of the Bogomolov brothers in his orphanage sat on his lap, touched his beard and timidly asked: “Will I have one?”
My husband has a higher education, but he works where they pay more - in the construction business. In our house, I made all the furniture in the children's bedrooms with my own hands, all the men's work on it is to hammer a nail, fix a socket. Children look at him and take an example. It is very important for them to see a man in the house. I believe that a foster family is much better than children's villages, where only “mothers” are with the pupils. I live a full, happy life now. I sincerely enjoy every day. Sometimes they say: cancer patients are the happiest people. Because we had time to rethink our life, to realize whether we are building it right. When I found out my diagnosis, everything changed for me. What seemed important turned out to be tinsel. After all, before the illness, I doubted: why should I contact the foster family? Maybe it’s better to organize a business, make a lot of money, do charity work? And when she got sick, she realized: you can’t take a fur coat, a car, or gold with you to the grave. And the worst thing is to die and know that you have not helped anyone in your life. Money is very cool, but the goal should be different. I have no doubt for a second: we set ourselves the right goal - so that all our children grow up as worthy people. And in the spring, if God permits, we will definitely take three more, we are already attaching two rooms to the house. And my illness is not a hindrance. I found out: with second-stage cancer (which I had), taking children under guardianship is not prohibited.